Why Boys When Food?

I’m gonna come out and say this: I’m eighteen years old, and I’ve never had a boyfriend. Ever. 

I’m not ashamed to say that; in fact, I couldn’t care less. I don’t want a boyfriend. If you have a boyfriend, you need to talk to him. I don’t like talking to people.

Today, my mom and brother started talking to me about “You’ve never had a boyfriend,” “You need to start dating,” etc. My brother has had a string of girlfriends throughout the years, only two of whom I haven’t hated. I’m not about to take relationship advice from him. My mom has been with her boyfriend for eight years. I don’t care enough to take relationship advice from her.

So, yeah, I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m not embarrassed to admit it, I’m not ashamed to admit it, I don’t awkwardly mumble a response when the classic extended family “Do you have a boyfriend?” question comes out. I just kick back and say “Nope.” When people ask why not, I just say “Why boys when food?”

I’m serious about that. I could not care less about being in a relationship. I’m in college, I don’t need a boyfriend. I have friends. I don’t like people, I like food. I like dogs more than people. Boys are PEOPLE. Do you get my point?

And if you’re wondering: Yes, people do think I’m a lesbian. I’m not.

People in high school thought a close female friend of mine and I were dating. We weren’t. I didn’t spend my time in high school drooling over boys, and I don’t plan on spending my time in college drooling over boys.

That’s not to say I don’t like boys, I do. Step into my bedroom, and you’ll see posters of Chris Pratt, One Direction, and 5 Seconds of Summer (yes, I know, judge me all you want). I have pictures of Bruno Mars on my bulletin boards. My sister is 100% convinced that I’m going to marry Clay Matthews, a linebacker for the Green Bay Packers. I mean, I don’t want to get married, but if Clay asked…

I don’t go out and party all the time. I stay home and watch Netflix on the weekends. The only boys who are ever excited to see me are my two dogs and my little brother. I’m fine with that. My best friend has a boyfriend, and he’s a great guy. Am I jealous? Absolutely not. She has to speak to him. How much would that suck? (I’m totally kidding, her boyfriend is great.)

I like food. I like food, and dogs, and football, and my bed. If I had a boyfriend, it would take time away from those things. I like those things. Plus, my relationship with Harry Styles is just fine. (I hate myself so much for that.)

Bottom line here is: I don’t have a boyfriend, I never have had a boyfriend, and lord knows if I ever will have a boyfriend. Who cares? All I’m concerned about for my future is making enough money so I can have at least two dogs. (If you can’t tell, I don’t want kids, either.)