Greetings, squadlings!

Long time no see, and I apologize for that. I’ve been meaning to write, I just keep forgetting because I am a trash human being.

Lots has happened since we spoke last! I quit my job at the dog daycare. It was too overwhelming for me to be locked in a room with 35 dogs all by myself. I didn’t realize how stressful that would be. Anyway, 26 hours later, I got another job! I’m back to my hosting-at-a-brewpub days. This is a different brewpub (it’s Wisconsin, they aren’t hard to find) and so far it’s going well!

Also, I’m a mother now!

Let me explain.

Last night, my mom, stepdad, dog and I were walking across one of the busiest streets in my hometown when we saw some college guys taking a cover off a storm drain. I figured they were just being dumb kids and didn’t bother, but my mom asked them what they were doing. One of them said, “There are baby ducks in the drain!” 

So, naturally, we ran over. Sure enough, five baby ducks were swimming in the murky water about nine feet below. Had we had a ladder, this would have been an easy rescue mission. The problem? We did not have a ladder. So, we did what any normal person does when they’re in distress.

We called the cops.

By now, another family–a mom, dad, and daughter– had joined the party. The operator at the police station did not seem enthralled by our quest to save the duckies. In fact, after we called them three times, another member of our party (named Jim, the aforementioned dad, who becomes a hero later in this story) listened to his police scanner and straight up heard them say they weren’t coming because THEY DIDN’T CARE.

Next stop, animal control.

By now, we had realized there was a hole in the storm drain where the ducks kept going in and out, and some would occasionally disappear. At one point, we only saw 2/5.

So I’m frantically calling animal control, which is supposed to be 24 hours, and no one is answering. I was about to give up, when I realized something.

Duh, the fire department. 

They get cats out of trees, why can’t they get ducks out of drains?

Jim, his daughter Ella and I piled into Jim’s car, and we drove to a fire department about a mile up the road. The fireworks show we had all been intending to go to had started long ago, and was nearing the finale when we pulled up to the fire station.

Ella and I jumped out of the car and ran to the fire department’s garage doors, where we frantically knocked until some firemen noticed us and opened the door. I’m sure the firemen were probably quite startled to see two young girls pounding on their garage door at 10:30pm.

We explained the situation, and the firemen called down their lieutenant to see what they could do. The lieutenant listened to my and Ella’s pleas, then turned to his men.

“You guys down for a rescue mission?” 

The firemen loaded up into their truck and followed us back to the storm drain, where my mom, stepdad, dog, and Ella’s mom Becky were all gathered. The firemen used a ladder and a bucket to retrieve the duckies. One of the firemen crawled down into the drain and scooped out ducks one by one into a bucket, then handed them off to my mom, who had a gift bag she had retrieved from our car. In a matter of minutes, we had a bag full of four ducks.

Four. Ducks. Out of five.

Yes, one duck decided to be a little jerk and hide himself away in the aforementioned hole in the drain. We waited for a few minutes, even whistled to imitate his siblings calls, but he didn’t emerge from his hole. And then, to our horror, the firemen got a call. They had to leave.

The firemen packed up their ladder and took off to their call, sirens blaring as they sped down the street.

But Jim, Ella, Becky, my family and I weren’t done yet. We refused to leave with just four out of five ducks. We continued to make baby duck calls, even held the bag of duck babies over the drain to see if the chirping would bring out their lost brother, but to no avail.

Then, a fire truck pulled up. The firemen had come back! 

The firemen once again entered into the drain, but were only able to be down for a short while before they got another call. They apologized to us, put the cover back on the drain, and took off towards their call, sirens and all.

And sure enough, just a few minutes after the firemen left, the fifth duck appeared.

We weren’t giving up. My stepdad and Jim were determined at this point. Together, they removed the drain cover just as the earlier college boys, who were now long gone, had. My mom retrieved a shovel from her snow emergency kit in the trunk of her car (it’s Wisconsin, don’t ask) and that’s when Jim became a hero.

There was a little step-like object in the drain, so Jim CLIMBED DOWN THE HOLE and scooped out the last duck with his shovel.

Oh, but the story doesn’t end here.

Shortly after we retrieved our last duck, the firemen came back AGAIN. 

We ran over to them and told them we had gotten the last duck, and they were all relieved. The lieutenant, who had come on the rescue mission with his men, called out “which one of you went down there!?!?” 

We took pictures with the firemen, and they took pictures of the ducks, and they went on their merry way to continue fighting fires.

By now, the mama duck, who had been flying around near the drain, was long gone. We walked around, hoping that the chirping of her babies would bring her back, but to no avail.

So, naturally, we took them home. 

So, yes, now I have five baby ducks in my bathtub. Their names are Cleetus, Sebastian, Ping Jr., Pong, and Lieutenant.

They are going to the wildlife center in my town at 1pm, where they will be taken care of properly until they are ready for release.