Greetings, squadlings!

A question I’ve been asked a lot recently is “If you loved your university so much, why did you leave?” Believe me, squadlings, it wasn’t an easy decision to make.

Yes, I loved my university. I loved the campus, the city, and all my friends. I loved the sense of independence I had when I was on my own. I loved my roommates, my apartment, the river…I loved it all. Which is why it broke my heart when I had to leave.

I hate myself so much for that gif. Sorry, Majri.

I left for a number of reasons. I thought I could be three hours from home, and I couldn’t. As much as I loved it, I was miserable. That sounds strange, loving your environment and being miserable at the same time, but it’s true: I loved where I was, and I hated it. I hated that I was so far from my family, my friends back home, and the only life I’d ever known. Pathetic, I know, but I was miserable. It’s hard to explain.

My health was also deteriorating, too. I’m 21, but I have the body of a 90-year-old man. I realized that, as hard as it was going to be, I needed to be closer to my doctors. Before I was diagnosed with Endometriosis, I was terrified. I had no idea what was happening to me, and I was three hours from home. Even after I was diagnosed, before it was confirmed that I would need surgery, I walked around terrified that I would have a flare so bad I would need to go to the hospital. Luckily, that never happened, but I was constantly so scared that it would. I needed to be back with health professionals who knew what was going on with me, and could help me if need be.

There are a lot of reasons why I left, and there are also a lot of reasons why I hate myself for leaving.

Honestly, I feel like a failure. I know I’m not, and that’s a ridiculous thought, but for some reason, every time I think of not going back to my university, I feel like I just made the biggest mistake of my life. Maybe I did. But it needed to happen.

And then there was the university in my hometown screwing me over. Twice.

But that’s a story for a different post.

Sorry for the gifs. I’m feelin’ it.

I’ve officially determined where I’m going to school this year: I’m doing a mixture of online and in-person classes at the university an hour from my house, where my older sister also goes.

Am I thrilled about it? No. I got the acceptance letter and felt absolutely nothing. Does that make me a terrible person?

Alright, I’m done with the gifs.

Alright, now I’m done.

Be well, squadlings.